I felt messy, overwhelmed, busy and unproductive for most of the year. It seemed like I was jumping from one thing to another, unfocused and stressed. The house was pretty organized, my schedule too, but something wasn’t, my mind. So many thoughts per second, it was hard to feel at easy, at peace.
Peace of mind is something that I have recently started to take more seriously, I’m still trying to understand what it really means. I’m still far away from reaching true peace of mind, but the closer I get, the more I want it. I realize that are many steps to take to feel more at ease. Yes the space around me matters a lot, yes meditation and yoga helps, yes journaling too. But there was something bothering me. Noise. So much noise. Information everywhere, people’s opinion, people’s suggestions… why was I judging my own decisions so much? And I came to understand that it was because I was comparing myself too much. I was also filling in all the in between with more information. At meal time I wasn’t just eating, I was consuming information. During every spare moment I had, I was either reading, listening or watching. It didn’t even matter that they were “good” content.
Podcasts, audiobooks, documentaries… yes they can be great, but they can also be too much. I don’t want to continue the daily habit of watching TV or being entertained. It’s hard for most people to imagine life without their phones and tv now. When was the last time you went an entire day without either of them? For me, I don’t even know if I had ever gone a single day. Of course I was overwhelmed. It’s impossible not to when so much noise was filling my brain. Songs, conversations, lines, tips, etc… all going on repeat in my brain. It’s not like my own mind doesn’t produce enough of it.
The first few days I didn’t notice a difference, it was just an inconvenience not having my phone near me. But yesterday I truly saw a difference. Being able to eat at the table, go to bed in time, stay present when playing with my dog, actually looking at my surrounds when walking outside, painting without having to pause, and so much reading time. It’s been quite wonderful, and I’m not even able to explain why yet. It’s like a veil has been lifted and the real world is starting to appear before my eyes. Was I always that distracted?
I have a few more days to go but I know I won’t be introducing those habits back in, not daily. I even convinced my husband to get rid of our living room TV, leaving now only the one in the basement. I want to have a designated room for it and watch at designated days of the month. No more daily watching for me. I want more mind space, space to breath, to actually feel free. I will continue to report on the progress and challenges.
Thanks for reading.