I have never felt or acted my age, something that always caused me trouble. It’s harder to enjoy the things you like when they aren’t “age appropriate”, I absolute hate this idea. Not only age is just a number but it doesn’t defy us. People understand this concept well when it comes about older people acting young, most would be understanding and say, don’t worry, do what you like. What about when you are young and act older? Like if there is such a thing as acting young or old. But I not only get judged by everyone around me, but they also try to change my mind. A little less now, but my childhood was a torture sometimes, everything I wanted to do was prohibited. Teenage years brought depression because of it and in 20’s I fought my identity daily. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I decided to start describing myself as an old soul, so people would instantly understand. Let me start giving you some examples.
As a kid I wanted to:
read books just not kids ones, I would hide with adult books all the time, and they never felt too old, my mom loved Paulo Coelho, so I read most of his books
drink coffee not chocolate milk
organize my mom’s closet, she had the nice one not me, only kids clothes on mine. Luckily she is very tiny and all her clothes and shoes fit me since 11. You should see my 11th birthday photos, I looked like my mom’s sister, necklaces, plunge necklines and heels. All hers. At one point my parents would just let me do it, I wouldn’t have any other way.
sell my artwork, not just paint for fun
wear red lipstick, every photo I have since the age of 5 I’m wearing it
decorate my own house. I used to buy my own plates and cups with my allowance, and yes, we had plenty of those, but they felt like they were from my mom’s house and I wanted my own home.
work, I always wanted to work, not play
I would prefer “novelas” over kids cartoons
I wanted to play cards with the adults
At 11 years old I wanted to:
decorate my own Christmas tree, not my moms, so I stopped helping her, kind of sad, I know
At 16 years old I wanted to:
move out with my boyfriend, we even looked at houses once
have my own house
have a family, I had serious relationships already but I was too responsible and knew I had to wait
have a job. I had many small business and worked at any little jobs I could find including selling breakfast baskets for mother’s day to my entire condo, working for my dad’s graphic design firm (and I hated I had to go after school when everyone got there early, but I still love him for giving me a real desk like everyone else).
At 19 yeas old:
I got married, I was finally able to do what I wanted, legally, but the family still treated me like a kid
At 30 years old (now):
I want to play bingo and do puzzles
I want to drink tea and read books
I want to shop at Talbots
I want to go to bed at 8pm
I want to listen to the Beatles
I don’t have kids yet, by choice, but I could have been a mom a long time ago
Obviously I can do all those things today, the older I get, the easier it is to do what I actually want. But it’s not always easy to feel the oldest in a room when around people my age. It has made life a bit more challenging, I use to dream I would wake up 10 years older.
Any other old souls out there? Tea party anyone?
Thanks for reading.